Should you let different values get in the way of friendship?
Wednesday, June 13th, 2018

Oh my god, did she really just say that?

It can be pretty upsetting to discover a friend has values that go against everything you believe in. Maybe you didn’t know her that well to begin with, or you’ve just changed over time, but either way there’s a real rift between you now.

Do you just agree to disagree, or is it time to ‘break up’? Here are some questions to ask yourself…

Is it more than just a one-off?

If she has some rude ideas about people one minute and is then sweet as pie the next, maybe you could just brush it off. But if her nasty streak becomes a permanent fixture then it’s likely going to ring some alarm bells.

How committed is she to the value?

Sometimes people say things without really having thought about them properly. A gentle conversation where you ask her why she thinks that, and why you disagree, could be all it takes.

People don’t always realise how their beliefs can impact people. If you tell her how much it hurts you (or the people you love), she might see things in a new light.

Can you still respect her?

This is what it comes down to, right? You can decide you’re being silly, it’s a tiny thing, it shouldn’t matter… but if you just can’t look at her the same way, it’s time to end it. You can’t have a genuine relationship once respect is gone.

Some people will tell you to stay friends so you can try and change her mind… but is that how a real friendship should be? If you just see your friend as a problem to be ‘fixed’ then you’ve probably got to ask yourself if it’s really worth it.

Love is infinite – time is short

Every hour you spend with this friend is an hour you’re not spending with someone you have a stronger connection with. Most of us don’t even have enough time to see our besties as much as we’d like. It might sound a bit cold and calculating, but there’s only so many free evenings in a week, so many Sunday brunches in a year. Who do you want to spend them with?

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